When you become pregnant you begin to think in stages. The first, second and third trimesters — and then your baby is born and is his own being. Sure, from there you continue to track your baby’s growth, but what about your own?
I had all these visions of the type of mother I’d be when my baby was in the womb. A kind one, a patient one, a fun one… a working one. And then the job that I was planning to return to was was no longer there. I was the editor-in-chief of a magazine that folded, and I was suddenly a SAHM mum. While it was certainly a shock, I also took it as a blessing. I had more time to bond with my baby at home. We had months of snuggling and long walks with him attached to me where I would think “this is all I need right here” and it was — and often it still is.
However, it wasn’t all I needed. Something else started to call me, but like most mums I felt the inexplicable guilt of finding pleasure in something more than being a mum. I tested the waters slowly by starting a personal blog to get my writing wheels turning. Instead of spending naptime napping (or limpeando) I found myself drawn to my laptop to create content because that’s what I knew how to do well. On the days that I found motherhood overwhelming I knew I could create a story and connect with other mujeres through that story. I had entered a new stage in my life. And it felt good, leaving little room for the guilt.
And although writing satisfied one creative side of me, I wasn’t working with a team the way I had been at different jobs for the past 11 years of my life — nor was I getting paid. I didn’t long for the office dynamics, but I needed something more. Launching a business with a friend of mine was something I had put on the back burner since becoming pregnant. So about 9 months into Oliver’s beautiful life I began working on a website that was launched when he was one and a half years old. My second baby. I worked vampiro hours for a long time until I knew it was time to call in for help. Something difficult for someone too stubborn to do so for most of her life. Luckily, I have familia near by, and my amazing mama, sisters and niece were always there to help.
In my next phase I knew I had to begin letting go of time with mi hijo in order to move forward with my business, my network and to work on my craft. My office is often my home or a coffee shop, and my working hours are never a traditional 9-5, but I love the satisfaction that work gives me. The relationships that are built, supporting other businesses and solidifying the end to a story.
There is nothing more gratifying — or challenging — than being a mother. It’s an amazing work-in-progress and difficult to see your accomplishments (yes, we’re accomplishing things everyday!). With work, however, there are tiny beginnings and endings that allow for small victories on a regular basis.
It’s a gift knowing that as women we can evolve as both mothers and professionals. My next stage as a working mother may look completely different . Only time will tell, and I’m ready for it.