Mysteries of Little Boys

altAs I mentioned a few weeks ago, I never thought I would have boys. If I were to have children at all, I intended to have one quiet little girly-girl (much like myself).

Now that I have two boys, of course I can’t picture it any other way. When I went out recently to buy a birthday gift for a five-year old girl, I was lost. I no longer know what girls like. The sight of eight million princess products makes me panic. But while I know exactly what to buy for a little boy’s birthday, my boys still manage to remain enigmas in many, many ways. Some of the mysteries of little boys include:

  1. How they manage to pee up their backs.
  2. How to instill the difference between peeing behind a tree, and peeing on a tree with a five inch diameter in full view of most of the population of Seattle out for a sunny day at Greenlake.
  3. How they can completely tune out only parental voices. More than one mum I know has had her son’s hearing tested, to find out it was perfect. He just wasn’t listening to her.
  4. How to explain my need for privacy when they like to make their own trips to the bathroom a family occasion, with applause at the end.
  5. How to navigate their differences: I have one boy who carefully wraps up his gum and puts it in the trash when he is done, and another who yanks my hand out of my pocket and spits his gum into it.
  6. How to explain that, while I’m flattered, one is not really allowed to marry a family member.
  7. How to know when to cuddle a lanky, bony five-year old who is almost as tall as I am, and when to treat him like a “big boy.”
  8. What to do when they declare they want to be “just like Tiger Woods” when they grow up.
  9. How to respond to “Mommy, it’s really weird that you don’t have a peanut.”

What conundrums do your little boys (or girls!) throw at you?