"I have the perfect guy for you," my friend, Lulu, told me.
I sipped on some sparkling wine and raised an eyebrow. "You do?"
She nodded excitedly and went on to brag about how hot this mystery man was. Still, I didn't believe her. Lulu tends to exaggerate. She will swear she saw a silverfish the size of her foot and in reality it's only two inches long. She also tries setting up her single friends with "hot" men all the time. Only they aren't as hot as she suggests.
She sensed my trepidaton."Right, babe? He's hot?" Lulu asked her husband. He agreed. Her husband is a manly man who isn't afraid to compliment other manly men.
"Well, what are his stats?" I pried.
Lulu didn't know much about him except that he is the brother of her friends' husband. And that he has a daughter.
"But he's hot!" She pushed.
Nope. No thanks. I'm good. Men with kids need not apply. I've been there, done that. I've dated men that have children and it isn't easy.
The first single dad I dated was Johnny. I was 28 years old; he was 30. He had two children from two different mothers. One of his exes called whenever we were together. They spoke of their days and work and rarely mentioned their son. She still had feelings for him. It turned out he still had feelings for her. Johnny wanted to make his family work. I was left in the dust.
The next time I dated a man with a child was different. He didn't return to his ex. He hated her too much. He also had full custody of his daughter. That was a selling point. It meant he was responsible. That his ex wasn't around much. But it also meant he had little time to spend with me.
I rarely saw him on weekends. He worked weekdays so our time together was short and after work. He couldn't sleep over at my place. Our relationship was too new for me to wake up in his home as if I were his child's new mummy. This lack of quality time became a real issue. I didn't want to sacrifice that aspect of a relationship, so we went our separate ways.
That's the thing about dating a man with kids — you are not a priority. I want to be a priority. So, men with kids, I'm just not that into you. That includes my friend Lulu's "hot" friend who just so happens to be newly divorced. He's probably just as emotionally available as that silverfish is big and scary.