A few years ago I read ‘The 5 Love Languages’ by Gary Chapman. Back then I thought I had an ‘aha’ moment. I thought it was the breakthrough we needed in our marriage, to be able to understand each other better. But now I think I’ve made an even better discovery in this theory.
For those of you who aren’t familiar with the book, Chapman goes on to explain that there are five different ‘love languages’ and that we all have at least one that we respond well to.
The five love languages
- Words of Affirmation. People who love to receive compliments and words of encouragement as a sign of love.
- Quality Time. People who love it when their partner gives them their undivided attention.
- Gifts. People who enjoy receiving gifts from their partner, it makes them feel loved and appreciated.
- Acts of Service. People who speak this language love it when their partner lends a helping hand when needed.
- Physical Touch. People who love getting touchy-feely, physical touch makes them feel loved.
In reading the book I learned that both my husband and I feel love through Words of Affirmation. I particularly love Acts of Service and my husband, well, like many husbands I would think, responds well to Physical Touch.
Lost in translation
Once I learned what our love languages actually were, it made total sense why, after a lot of effort and thought into buying my husband nice little gifts in the past, I only ever got a response like, “Oh cool, thanks” when I gave him a gift. What a kick in the guts that was. Did he not like it? Am I the world’s worst present buyer? No, it’s was because it wasn’t his damn language!
And his is physical touch. Well, I don’t think my husband has ever cottoned onto the fact that this is definitely not my language. I also know him too well to know that when, all of a sudden, he’s stroking and kissing and hugging me, it’s because he most certainly wants something.
The discovery that could change my marriage
So, learning about these love languages and how they work has got me thinking and I’ve made a very significant discovery that could change my life as I know it, and possibly yours! Let me explain.
You see, my other love language is Acts of Service and my husband knows this well. The problem is in the translation. It seems that I’m the one doing all the acts of service around here, not the other way around. The toilets are never cleaned for me, the groceries are never done for me without me having to write a list, and dinner isn’t made without having to ask. Sound familiar?
On the flip side, my husband’s love language is NOT Acts of Service, yet here I am, doing so many things for him and more. All these ‘services’ that mean pretty much nothing to him in the scheme of things. If the Love Languages theory is to work for us, it should be the other way around. I can’t believe I’ve been getting this mixed up all this time!
You know what this means, don’t you? I need to stop! I need to stop doing the housework. Although Physical Touch is not my love language, I can totally go with it. Give me less housework and more physical touch any day.
The 5 Love Languages has helped millions of readers in their marriages and partnerships and now I’m one of them. No more toilet cleaning for me!
Have you sussed out your Love Language compatibility with your man?