Babies on Amazon


The kids want a baby.

Which, considering their father and I are in the middle of a divorce, seems unlikely. Impossible, if truth be told.

Between them, though, they’ve figured it out.

“Everyone gets a baby. I want one. I’ll take care of it,” insisted Elizabeth, her blue eyes shining with the fervency of a zealot.

“It’s really not that hard, Mama,” Joseph said wisely.

“Well, guys, I’d need a daddy to have a baby.” That put a pause to the conversation.

Then Joseph slowly said, “Not every baby has a Daddy. You told us some babies have two mummies.”

“That’s true.” My thoughts raced as I tried to figure out if they were going to want me to find another Mummy while, at the same time, relieved they hadn’t suggested their very own Daddy as a potential candidate.

“And you said that sometimes mummies take care of babies who don’t have their own mummies.”

“Yes,” I said slowly, wondering if this was going to lead to an adoption talk.

“Then why don’t we just get one of those babies?”

“Honey…that process is pretty long and drawn out and we’re not really in a position to adopt.”

“We don’t need to adopt,” he pushed. Elizabeth stood next to him nodding her head. It was obvious this had been discussed in depth. “We just need to go onto Amazon and buy one!”

“Um, Amazon doesn’t sell babies.”

“Amazon sells everything,” Joseph stated.

“Even babies!” added Elizabeth. I smiled weakly and wondered if I should pour a glass of wine now or later.

What do you do when your children start asking for a new baby?