In this thing called motherhood, I recognise that we all do things differently. But whether you work or stay at home, no matter what you feed your children or whose rooms they sleep in, or where you stand on traditional medicine, homeschooling, and any of the other hot topics, I can promise you this: We all have one thing in common, and that’s Target.
Now, this mecca of well-priced fashion staples, modern home finds, and totally decent groceries was a favourite of mine before I had children, too. But it wasn’t until I became a mum that I began to recognise Target as not just a want, but a need. One place you can run out to and grab nappys, milk, rain boots and wine? Amazing. (If your Target doesn’t carry wine, I’m guessing you know exactly which liquor store is on your way home).
In addition to our mutual affinity for Target, I believe we all have the same thoughts upon entering this sacred space. They’ll vary some based on whether you have your children with you or not, but at the core we’re all there doing and thinking the same dang things.
Here are 25 things that inevitably have crossed your mind at Target.
1. (If children are in tow) Gotta get the cart with the steering wheels. Must use all means necessary to get that stupid cart. Stay focused, Mama. Elbows sharp.
2. (If children are not in tow) I’m alone at Target. Holy sh*t. This is more exciting than date night. Actually, this is even more exciting than what happens after date night.
3. Eggs. Laundry detergent, paper towel, 3T underwear, and eggs.
4. Gonna hit up the Dollar Spot real quick; I just can’t forget those stupid eggs.
5. This is ridiculously cute for a dollar. Oh, wait it’s actually three dollars. Whatever that’s fine, let me get one for each kid.
6. These super-cute tea towels are two for $5! (But why do they call this thing the Dollar Spot when everything I want is more than a dollar?)
7. Stop. You’re getting sidetracked.
8. Okay, the kids are being really good, so…
(Alternatively, if alone…)
Okay, the babysitter said I have an hour, so…
9. Let’s just see what’s on women’s clearance for a minute.
10. This bag is so fun. I need it. (Into the cart it goes).
11. What was I doing? Oh, right. Clearance rack…
12. Can I pull off a drape-front floral chiffon top? (Sees $8 price tag; adds to cart.)
13. Focus. You came here to get eggs, for God’s sake.
14. Let’s get to the grocery section before this gets bad. Actually, wait, let me walk through the kids department in case someone needs something.
15. Just kidding, 3-T underwear was on the list. I’m 100 percent justified being here.
16. Oh—look! Onesies on sale. Onesies never go on sale! Let me just grab a few packs.
17. OH EM GEE. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? EGGS! EGGS, DAMNIT! (Undies, onesies, and a random pleated skirt in cart.)
18. Alright, the groceries, cleaning stuff, and then I am out of here.
19. Shredded cheese is two-for-one? Not on my list, but necessary.
20. Look at me snagging deals!
21. Maaaaakeup. Preeeeeetty.
22. Ignore the makeup. Well, actually, if I get an eyeliner here, I’ll save money. I’ll just take a quick peek. And a lipstick. And some face masks. How is this stuff so cheap?
23. I am so out of here. Here I go! I (pretty much) stuck to the list and just grabbed a few other cheap things we totally needed.
(Gets to register. Throws everything on the belt. Makes a joke about buying unintended items.)
24. The total is HOW MUCH?
25. Sh*t! I forgot the f*&king eggs!