Dear Kids, I Can’t Believe I Made You

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Dear Kids,

As I go through my daily life and scramble to check things off the never-ending to do list it’s easy to stop seeing you.  There are days I don’t even hear the birds, and I know there are days I don’t see you. Yes, I know you are standing there making a snack or looking at your phone or sitting at the dining room table doing homework, but I’m jaded by the noise rolling around in my brain and instead of pausing to marvel at you all, I’m off to the next thing. And I’m sorry.

We can get so caught up in life we stop seeing each other

I’ve made it a point lately to stop one a day and take a few seconds to look, really look at you. I know it’s annoying and you wish I’d stop but you need to know what it’s like for a mum when she gets so caught up in the busy-ness of life, and before she knows it she has to look up to make eye contact with her children.

Because now, all three of you stand taller than me.

Now, you are learning to drive. Now, I ask for your help; from unscrewing a jar of pickles, to asking your advice on an outfit I’m wearing on a first date, to letting you know I need some support because I’m feeling anxious.

I’ve realised if I don’t stop more often to take a look at you, before I know it I will be standing in my kitchen without you bowing down to your homework or hogging the television or eating lunch with me on Saturday afternoon. And I am going to be pretty pissed off at myself for not stopping more to take notice of the kids I created

When you were younger, it seemed easier to marvel at the things you did like when you took your first steps or said your first words than it does now that you are constantly growing out of your pants and asking to have friends over every spare second.

I’m not sure if it’s because life was slower and having kids still felt new or what.

I just know sometimes I look you and I have to really let it simmer that I made you; those arms, that hair, your smile, and oh my God, your face.

I am doing my best to raise you before I let you go. I am a mum and you are my kids and together we’ve made a family. And that is so huge sometimes I can’t wrap my brain around it.

It’s too easy to get all tangled in the every day routine and stop seeing each other; and in that mess we can miss a lot.

I don’t want to miss anymore. It doesn’t matter how busy life gets and hard thing get or how fast time goes by.

I can’t believe I made you; you are my world. You will always be the people who made me a mother and I am going to make sure I remind myself of that every single day.