You can’t fully understand the challenges of raising a small human until you step into the role of being a parent. But when we step into that role, so many of us bring a world of baggage that includes the pressure of expectations to be able to handle the fierce workload of raising kids while maintaining getting the same accomplishments done that we were able to do before we had kids. One mum sees this happening when other mums post their New Year resolution lists online and she’s sounding off in a way that honestly makes me personally feel seen and heard.
“Here we are again, friends. The start of a New Year. My newsfeed is full of positive manifestations for the next trip around the sun. Resolutions to run that half-marathon. Cook dinner more often. Hit the gym with regularity,” the Mumstrosity blog co-founder, Eliza Morrill begins.
“Most years, I’m right there with them. In my mind, I’ve conjured a list 5 miles long — of all the things I hope to accomplish in the next year. Versions of my best self. Habits to make me a better mother, a better wife, a better friend, and a better fit for these snug jeans. But this year, I’m laying it all down. I can’t. The truth is, I’m in the weeds. I’m in the when-will-my-kids-sleep-again weeds. I’m in the lots-of-little-kids-with-lots-of-big-needs weeds.”
Morrill beautifully explains that as much as she would love to try those diets and read those books, run those races and volunteer – you know, do All. The. Things. She’s a mum and she is most needed at home, raising her brood. More than that, though, her core message is that there shouldn’t be shame or feelings of failure attached to that. Mums who don’t strive for perfection in all things are not losing at the motherhood game. They are simply absorbed in their task at hand, and I for one am cheering this post on.
Morrill writes that for her, resolution items that make the most sense for her situation include giving her self some grace, embracing the mess of motherhood (literally and figuratively), and rest when she can. And if that’s not the most honest and let’s-get-real advice ever then I don’t know what is.
My new year resolution is to get the laundry put away after it comes out of the dryer. When I told my husband this he started to laugh before he realised that for me, getting the laundry done can feel like a monumental and impossible task. I’m starting with this one seemingly small task because if I can master that then I am freeing up my time, my dining room table, and the mental load of feeling like I am failing at something every day.
Morrill is telling women everywhere to have more grace and less self-imposed pressure and that’s a message that is indeed the perfect way to set the tone of 2020.