Why I Can’t Stand to Cuddle After Sex

When I was a consultant for an adult toy party company, the women at my parties often complained that their husbands and partners didn’t cuddle after sex. Instead of cuddling and basking in the glow of their lovemaking, their partners fell asleep in mere minutes. Too bad we didn’t sell a product that makes your partner want to cuddle more. I would have bought it by the case because I’m the non-cuddler in the relationship. That’s right, I don’t like to cuddle after having sex.

You know that stereotype that men fall asleep as soon as they have their orgasm? I am the female version of that, only with more orgasms. As soon as our horizontal polka is over, I’m buzzing with energy. That energy is my afterglow. I’m ready to jump out of bed and get something done. Before we had kids, I’d throw my clothes back on and do the dishes or laundry. (I’m totally laughing at myself for this.)


My husband is much more affectionate than I am. Even in the infancy of our relationship, he always wanted hold hands, hug, even have me sit on his lap. Affection and touch is his language of love. Still, he’s not immune to falling asleep right in the middle of our afterglow. He’s even more sleep deprived than I am. How could he resist in his relaxed state? Before he passes out, he snuggles in close and wraps his arm around me.

In the meantime, I’m looking at the clock, trying to figure out how long I’m supposed to lay there before I jump out of bed. What would Miss Manners suggest? Is there an etiquette for how long I’m supposed to cuddle with my husband before ditching him for other activities? Five minutes? Ten? These are just some of the thoughts flying through my head as I let myself be cuddled, trying not to let my body twitch from my newfound energy.

I have found a compromise: my Smartphone.

We both keep our phones on our respective nightstands, supposedly as our alarm clocks except I never hear my alarm go off. (Kids make better alarm clocks). So instead of jumping out of bed after sex, I roll over and grab my smartphone or tablet. After a few minutes checking my email and Facebook feed, I’ll read a book on one of my devices. I also keep a stack of print books on my side of the bed for this very purpose. However, leaving my lamp on during sex is required for this plan to work. Too much movement can ruin the post-coital cuddle.

Am I allowed to say that my smartphone is saving my marriage? That might be a stretch but it keeps my brain occupied so I can stay under the flannel sheets and cuddle with my husband. Cuddling with my spouse makes him happy so it’s important to me.

Are you with me, or do you enjoy cuddling after sex?

Photo: Getty