Dear Mum Friend: I’m Not a Mum Like You, But I Still Exist

Dear Mum Friend, 


We have some things to discuss. I have to warn you; I may hurt your feelings. But I don’t want to pretend that everything is the same, or even okay. So, here goes nothing.

I remember the days when you were single. We had so much fun together. And I could count on you. At any point of the day, I’d call and you were available. We’d chat about our work day. I’d complain that Marcelino cursed me out again during another reading lesson. You’d swear him out over the phone for me, jokingly calling my students “rugrats.” Then you’d ask if I wanted to grab a drink. I always did. And we’d end up at our favourite NYC haunts. 

Every day, we had somewhere to party. We were single women in NYC, the real life Latina version of Sex and the City. Tuesdays we’d go to Copa Cabana; Thursdays we’d groove on the Jade Terrace rooftop; Friday and Saturdays were a blur; Sundays we still managed to go to Club New York. But I don’t want that life anymore. I am 35 and can’t party like I used to, like you used to. That’s okay. This is not what this letter is about. 

I just want you back. 

There was a time that we didn’t speak for six months because you were “busy.” Though I am not a mother, I know motherhood isn’t easy. You’ve had your ups and downs, especially as a single mother. I can’t imagine all that you have to do, and you do it all alone. But I want to be there for you like I was before. I want you to be there for me as well. Though you are a new mum, a single mum, I still exit. 

I just want you back. 

So, please don’t take offense to this letter. Don’t get angry with me when I don’t want to come over to your home…again. You have three beautiful children. They are all so lovely and I love them as much as I love you. But I want to spend time with you. I can’t do that when you’re hollering at the youngest to stop jumping or he’ll spill his dinner. 

I know you don’t want our friendship to be this way. When we do speak, you take me down Memory Lane. You reminisce about our days as single gals in the city. But, new mum friend, I do feel that you wish I would settle down. You want me to find a great man, get married and have babies. Then, you think, I will understand your love for your children.

I do hope that I do. I hope to experience motherhood one day and feel the love that motivates, inspires and moves you. I also hope to be different. I don’t know if I will be, but I will try. If only to remmeber my single gal pals while I journey through motherhood…

With love,