From one single mum to another, I totally understand your, ahem, physical urges to connect with an adult and not just your vibrator. I also know from experience that dating as a single parent is the calculus I got a D in, in high school—it’s absurd. Where do you meet someone? Do you have a sitter? How much does the sitter cost? Like you have time to date. And those are just a few roadblocks when it comes to single parent dating. So what’s a single mum to do? Shy readers, stop reading …
Get a friend with benefits. But follow these rules if you want to have fun and eat your cake too!
1. Don’t introduce your child. HE ISN’T YOUR BOYFRIEND—he’s your boy toy (and that’s a hot thing, ladies!). There is no reason for your kid to get to know him because he’s for you! You’re not going on a family trip to the zoo, or watching Cars together. He’s slipping in when your kid is fast asleep for a midnight romp, or you’re meeting him on your lunch break for some invigorating out of the ordinary day sex (try it!). Be clear with yourself and your guy—you’re friends with benefits—he’s not your kid’s friend!
2. Protect yourself. You’re ALREADY a single parent. Feel like adding more potty training to that? Another round of daycare tuition? Yeah, no. And guess what? Ding, ding, ding—He doesn’t want to have and raise a child with you! Get yourself on the pill to prevent pregnancy and hello, use a condom-use a condom-use a condom, to protect yourself from STDs. I’m not saying he has any, but I am saying he’s not your boyfriend and you’re not even dating. That means he’s possibly dating and shagging other women—which by the way is allowed (and you can’t get all psycho mad about it!). Get it? Good. This brings me to rule #3.
3. Girl, don’t fall in love. If you made the decision to have a friend with benefits then please set your head and heart straight from day one. This guy is not taking you to dinner or buying you flowers. I mean, he might, but he prob expects a BJ for dessert. If he texts you mid-day to tell you he’s thinking about you—he’s thinking about you naked—or sitting on his face—not reading a book while he caresses your hair and your kid builds blocks by the warm fire.
4. Be prepared for him to break it off. A friend-with-benefits has its shelf life and when it expires, let it go like old yoghurt. Whether he met someone else or isn’t down to just have sex anymore, you have to be just as cool with his exit as you were with his entrance. Feeling bummed? Read rule 5.
5. It’s OK to fall in love. Face it, sex just isn’t physical—it’s emotional too. If you start to have real feelings, want to make him a sandwich, have his babies and sit on a porch with him when you’re 80, then step on the breaks and fast. Just put on your big girl panties (or lacy thong) and tell him how you feel. He might feel the same way and that’s awesome! Alas, if he doesn’t, let him go! If you keep having sex with him, kissing him and cuddling with him you’ll fall deeper in love with someone who is not in love with you. Or your kid! And remember, your kid is the most important factor when it comes to bringing a guy around. You’re a package deal!