All relationships have up and downs, right? Sometimes it’s hard to gauge if our relationship is in the “normal happy” range. I mean, we’re happy most of the time, but there are other times when I could walk out the front door with the kids under my arm and barely a backward glance. So, yeah, from my experience, relationships are hard work. Growing and learning together is what it’s all about.
I was chatting with a mum friend the other day and I was telling her how excited I was about the great month we’re having in our marriage. Life feels nice together and there is minimal daily stress. We’re just getting along so well, communicating clearly, feeling all round happy, doing the parenting thing together and enjoying being ‘us’.
She asked, as a joke in her own crude way; “So you’ve been putting out have you?”
I laughed back… and then I stopped myself and thought about it. Had we been having more sex than usual?
This month I think we had been averaging sex at least 3 times a week. That is quite a lot for us and it all clicked: life was actually good together because we were having regular sex. I couldn’t help but laugh out loud. Is this really the key to a happy husband? And in turn, a happy marriage?
Men and women are wired so differently and there is research out there that suggests that men are hardwired to seek out sex above all things. Yes, men need sex to function. It’s like all hell breaks loose if sex doesn’t happen often enough in our house. My husband becomes moody, stressed with work, stressed about money, simple things bug him. But when the loving is flowing, he just seems that little less tied up in life stresses and that makes me happier.
I’ve learned in my marriage, that my husband and I both need to take some advice from each other. I need to have more sex to keep our connection strong and I just want my husband to appreciate that I’m doing that for him and to listen more. I’m not saying that I need to be submissive at every moment. I’m my own person, with feelings and needs of my own, but these days, for the good of my marriage, I’m prepared to give my husband what he wants a little more regularly than I might have done in the past. To my husband, it’s clear that sex is right up there with breathing and eating! So I will definitely continue to be the wife that will sometimes have sex just because I love him.
You know what, often I think I don’t feel like it, but most of the time I’m really just tired. When it all gets going, it’s a whole lot of fun! It’s special time that we have together without our needy little people drawing our focus away from each other. We can put down our daily stress and reconnect with each other. Sex is definitely one key to keeping the love alive in my marriage, not to mention that it actually increases my sex drive so the more I have it, the more I want to have it. Win-win, really.