Tommaso79 / Getty Images
As a divorced mum with three kids, I never thought online dating would be a part of my life. Sometimes when I sit in the parking lot waiting for my kids to pile in the car after school, I stop mid-swipe and wonder how I got here. I always thought I’d marry once, but being a divorced mum online dating became a part of my story and I’m moving forward in a way that feels true and organic to me.
I want and need to have a life outside of my kids since they are with their dad about 30% of the time. That 30% is best spent sharing good food, having sex and indulging in intellectual conversation.
No, you don’t have to find your partner online. But you might. It’s so convenient– especially if you work from home (which I do), or in a place where the likelihood of you meeting a potential partner is remote.
There are so many benefits. It’s not hard to weed out those who you know won’t fit into your lifestyle. I don’t have time to invest in someone who isn’t a true match. So I put it all out there; the fact I have three kids and I’m not a big drinker and I prefer cheeseburgers over fancy restaurants. I believe this helps attract who is truly right for you.
Men Make It Easy
But some men make it very easy to give them the ‘ol left- swipe simply by reading their profiles. Even if they are a delight to look at, you can see the assholery shine through. For some reason they believe writing things things like, “If you only have pictures of your face, you must be hiding something”, is a good idea and will attract a quality woman. Many of them are using a profile picture with their ex obviously cut out of it, and I can’t tell you how many of them are actually giving the camera the finger– classy! Yes, there are lots of people seeking “three-ways” or “a mistress.” Their honestly makes it easy for your to decide if you want to dive into that shit-show or not.
There are plenty of men who have no shame letting your know if “your list of wants is too long” then they aren’t interested. Translation: If you are a strong women who knows how to stand up for herself and list your “must-haves” because you have a good sense of who you are, bye sweetie. My point is, there are many men out there who are afraid of strong women; they view them as bitchy. It’s their problem, not yours and don’t lean into their expectation.
At first I thought it was unfortunate and showed how they evolved some men are (or aren’t?), but then I realised something: it lays it all out for you. Because the last thing you need in your life if to find yourself sharing a fine dinner and sipping alcohol with someone who isn’t up to your standard.
Men Are Only As Good As Their Profile
Most men are only as good as their profile, and the ones who ask you after three exchanged messages if they can come to your house, despite you not even knowing their last name or what they do for a living aren’t worth responding to– that message is crystal clear and they don’t change their mind– not even after a few respectable dates.
You have to know who you are if you are going to subject yourself to what some men are putting out there. You will get ghosted, you will get rude messages, you will get asked the same questions over and over which is an indicator of how many women they are talking to.
It Is Worth It
I also need to tell you, it’s worth it. I’ve found there are lots of men with integrity and character who are looking for something real and true. I’ve met more amazing men than assholes and had relationships with a few. They are in the same situation, and between kids, work, and getting the minimum requirement of sleep and water, they want to find their person.
So, if you are thinking about dipping your toe into the online dating pool, I say go in– go all in. But if your gut is telling you something is off, you are are turned off by something they say in their profile, no matter how small, listen to that whisper. If you don’t, it only gets louder upon meeting them and then, you’ve wasted what could have been an amazing evening home alone with chocolate, your vibrator and a long bath.