When Kate Middleton‘s second son is born in April, her adorable firstborn child George will be about 20 months old. That will put her squarely in the Two Under Two Club. Poor Kate. Toddlers are like battery operated tornadoes without an off switch. And after Kate gets through the exhausting baby days, she’ll have two toddlers at the same time…which will be even more exhausting. So, I thought I’d give her a bit of advice — stuff she and every other mum should know about toddlers:
1. Toddlers love to say the word no. It was my son’s first word, and he never stopped saying no while he was a toddler. Turns out, every other toddler I’ve ever met loves that word just as much.
2. Every toddler throws tantrums. Some mom is going to tell you that her toddler has never thrown a temper tantrum. She’s lying. Remember that when your little Prince throws a big one in the middle of Harrods. It just comes with the toddler territory.
3. Not every toddler develops on the same schedule. So what if that toddler on your last playdate could already speak three languages? Your tots are totally normal if they just want to run around all day pretending to be ninjas. (And no, that little princess at preschool can’t read full sentences, despite what her mother says.)
4. They need naps (despite what they tell you). You’ll discover your toddler is an expert negotiator and the first contract he’ll try to re-negotiate is the one that says he needs a nap. Stay strong.
5. Toddlers break phones and lose keys. You’ll vow not to let them play with your iPhone or hold your keys, but toddlers love mobile phones and keys. So you’ll let them. Prepare to replace both, probably more than once.
6. They’ll make you late 100 percent of the time. See #1. N-O will make things like getting dressed, eating, and getting out of the palace on time nearly impossible.
7. Toddlers are good kissers! You’ve probably noticed that when you kiss your infant they can’t kiss back, but toddlers can. They’ll leave you with a wet cheek, but you’ll savour each and every toddler kiss.
8. They all write on the walls at least once. And no, that doesn’t mean they’re destined for a life of crime.
So Kate, even though it will seem like your toddlers’ sole purpose in life is to test your patience, know that when they aren’t losing your phone or throwing colossal tantrums they’ll say they love you about 400 times a day. And you’ll realise just how lucky you are to have two of them.