Ahhh, kids’ sports. They seem to run all year ‘round and include every kind of parent (and kid) you can think of. Not sure which kind you here? Here’s a handy-dandy little quiz that’ll tell you:
1. What is your team name this year?
a. Are you talking about the Wildcats, Tigers, Diamondbacks, Tornadoes, Screaming Eagles, or Crimson Storm?
b. …it’s definitely a cat. A big cat. The cat is also possibly angry.
c. I hear they went with Wildcats this year because last year’s name was too close to the name of the next-town-over’s Little League team.
d. The shirt is dark blue.
e. Wildcats: Future Champions!
2. What time does practice start this week?
a. Which team?
b. Around the same time I’m supposed to not have left the office yet.
c. I hear it’s at an inconvenient time for the assistant coach.
d. Maybe 6? Or 7? Definitely maybe not 8.
e. The perfect time for the kids to see the fireflies come out!
3. What do you bring to games?
a. Game plan, back-up gear, clipboard, roster, whistle, first aid kit, my own uniform that’s just like the one the kids wear, film clips of their best plays from last season to motivate them.
b. My team hat and some water.
c. A very comfy stadium chair, iced coffee, and breath mints.
d. Most of what my kid needs to play and my phone to call my spouse to bring whatever we forget in the rush to get there.
e. Pom-poms, my cheering voice, and a pep talk to give my kid before she joins her team.
4. What is the ideal snack for after a game?
a. Orange slices, water, and a protein bar.
b. Does it really matter?
c. Not doughnuts AGAIN. You KNOW how Jamie gets with too much sugar.
d. Whatever’s easiest to grab on the way out.
e. Really, you can’t go wrong! It’s all good!
5. How do you feel about play-off games?
a. So proud!
b. So many.
c. So interesting to see who bothers coming and who doesn’t.
d. So hard to remember when they all are.
e. So looking forward to going to them all!
6. What are your thoughts about next season?
a. I’m already drafting up new game plans.
b. I’m already remembering to forget to volunteer for anything more than snack bar.
c. I’m wondering if this season will be forfeited because that kid with the mustache really isn’t as young as they claim he is.
d. I’m SURE I’ll be on time more often next season.
e. I’m sure we’re gonna go all the way next time! WOO HOO!!
Mostly A’s: The Coach of Everything
You are as motivated as you are organised, and the kids love you. You’re the kind of parent who throws the ball with random kids on the sidelines of your kids’ sports clinics, and who all the parents are very, very grateful for.
Mostly B’s: The Reluctant Coach
You’re well-intentioned but in over your head; in fact, you laugh about how overwhelmed you are with friends who feel the same way. We love you for putting yourself out there, but hold no hard feelings if you hide on volunteer sign-up day next year.
Mostly C’s: The Sideline Gossip
You sit in a cluster of parents barely paying attention, but you do, in fact, show up to every practice and game on time and with all the gear, soooo…you get points for that! It’s not your fault you were born with the gift of gab.
Mostly D’s: The Late-to-Every-Practice-and-Gamer
Clocks and calendars are hard—we understand. This is why you keep all the gear in the boot of your car. You mean well and are willing to sign your kids up for everything, but do look forward to the day they take over responsibility for making it to their practices and games on their own.
Mostly E’s: The Optimist
Even at those 7 a.m. games when you are clean and pressed, organised and cheery, and we want to throttle you for being so damn chipper, it is impossible. You are an adorably positive influence, know every kid’s name, and they all feel like you have their back. Thank you for neutralizing our early-morning and end-of-day crabbiness at every game all year long. Go team!