What the Words You Use All the Time Really Mean

We have a special batch of words that we use quite regularly once we’re parents. They do the job just fine, but I’ve decided to define them much more clearly with perfectly accurate synonyms; call it a Thesaurus for Mums. Feel free to use these at your leisure.

  • Balloon = Floaty bag of joy
  • Bathtime = Everywhere puddle
  • Bedtime = Negotiation hours
  • Boobs during pregnancy = Electrified veiny fleshballs
  • Boobs post-delivery = Milk bombs
  • Boobs post-weaning = Sad dumplings
  • Car cupholder = Mini mulch bowls
  • Coffee = Survival tonic
  • Crafts = Sticky sparkle mess
  • Dog = Kid horse
  • Iceblock = Frosty bribe that drips
  • LEGO = Foot breaking brick
  • Lollipop = Shut up stick
  • Lovey = The most important item you can never lose OR ELSE
  • Newborn baby = Screamy poo launcher
  • Nose = Finger hole
  • Permission slip = Last-minute letter
  • Play date = Chaperoned anarchy
  • Recorder = Ear piercer
  • School excursion = Two bus rides and something nobody cares about in between
  • Shirt tags = Collar machete
  • Sippy cup = Travel spiller
  • Socks = Cotton toe traps
  • Target = Mecca
  • Toddler = Why?-er

More mum truths:

Image: Getty