Kids have two agendas in life. The first is to have fun. The second is to delay sleeping at bedtime by any means possible. Do they need it? Do they love it once they get it? Yes and yes—but that doesn’t mean they’ll ever stop irrationally fighting it with everything they have.
Their go-to tactic to avoiding it is lying in bed at night pondering all the things humanly possible that result in loud noises, leaving bed to consult at least one parent on some matter, or keeping him/herself too busy to physically fall asleep. Here, the things they’ll think — and do — to help ensure that nobody in the house sleeps more than a wink ever…
1. Why are ceilings up?
2. I should put a pair of my socks on every stuffed animal in here so they don’t get cold.
3. How loudly can I jump off my bed?
4. I bet Mum misses me already. I should check on her.
5. OH NO MY FISH IS DYING I JUST KNOW IT.
6. What pet will I get next when my fish dies?
7. I think I’m thirsty.
8. Red cup. Blue cup. LEGO cup. Paper cup. That should be enough for now.
9. I need to pee.
10. Could I reach the wall by jumping off my bed?
11. Oh no! I haven’t played Uno with my dolls yet today!
12. WAIT: Did Dad set the DVR to record the new “Adventure Time” episode?
13. It’d be really cool to stack my table and chairs and doll houses into a tower on my bed and try to sleep up there.
14. Okay that was loud when it all fell down but I don’t understand why Dad took it all out of my room forever.
15. What’s 472 + 891?
16. I should colour in all the Os in this book with purple crayon before giving it back to my brother tomorrow. He’d like that.
17. I should tell Mum about what we learned in science today at school. She’ll like that.
18. THERE IS NO WAY I CAN SLEEP TONIGHT WITHOUT THE FUZZY SNAKE I WON AT LUNA PARK I NEED IT I NEED IT RIGHT NOW.
19. Sleeping in my wardrobe would be fun.
20. I should take everything off my bed and put it in the wardrobe.
21. Hm. No room in here.
22. I should put everything in my wardrobe under my bed, THEN take everything off my bed and put it in the wardrobe.
23. This is not comfortable at all.
24. The ceiling really is really high up…
More mum truths:
- Hilarious Wine Labels for Mums (& They’re Printable, Too)
- 9 Things Your Kids Can Say to You That No One Else Can
- What it Feels Like to Parent a Hyperactive Child