Hilarious Wine Labels for Mums (& They’re Printable, Too)

Wine labels and the descriptions on them make absolutely no sense. Is drinking something that reminds me of bark a good thing or a bad thing? Are the distilleries calling this liquid “dry” just to see if we’re paying attention? Like every other mum out there, I’m very busy and very tired. I need labels that get straight to the point: Tell me when and why to drink this wine. Accurate wine labels will help with both gifting wine for others and stocking up on the perfect blends for my home too.

Since the wine companies haven’t volunteered to do this yet, I’ve decided to come up with the perfect wine labels for mums: from the new mum to the toddler mum to the school-aged kid mum. And yes, all of them are printable, thanks to the design magic of my fellow Mumtastic contributor, Shauna Younge (instructions at the end). Cheers!

For the new mum:Wine labels for mums

Wine label #1: Sweet Riesling erases the bitter memory of baby pee in your eye.

Wine labels for mum

Wine label #2: Open this when you realise your nipples are now someone’s chew toys.

Wine labels for mum - laughing while sipping wine

Wine label #3: Laughing while sipping wine is better than crying while drinking water.

For the toddler mum:

Wine labels for mum - when your handbag

Wine label #4: Open on those days when your handbag must double as a porta-potty.

Wine labels for mum

Wine label #5: Bubbles aren’t just for babies! Pass the Prosecco.

Wine labels for mum - clean up

Wine label #6: A little Pinot makes the playdate cleanup almost tolerable.

For the school-aged kid mum:

Wine labels for mum - carpool

Wine label #7: When you want to enjoy an exceptional Chardonnay after an exceptionally loud carpool.

Wine labels for mum - the 'talk'

Wine label #8: Sauvignon Blanc makes it easier to have “The Talk.”

Wine labels for mum - puberty

Wine label #9: Because all of your kids are in the throes of puberty at the same time.

How to add the labels to a bottle:

Supplies

  • Our Wine Labels for Mums
  • A4 printer paper
  • Double-sided tape
  • Scissors
  • Wine bottle(s) of your choice (Make sure various wines are used on appropriate bottles – parenting is confusing enough as it is.)

Instructions

1. Download, print, and cut out Wine Labels for Mums.

2. Remove original label from wine bottle. You may need to soak the bottle or rub the label with warm water to cleanly remove the adhesive label. Do not submerge the bottle. Allow bottle to fully dry.

3. Using double-sided tape, adhere the label of your choice to the wine bottle.

4. Attach a ribbon to present as a gift for a new mummy or bring in-hand for a casual mum get together.

More fun stuff:

Images & printables: Shauna Younge of Sweet Tooth

Copy by Kim Bongiorno