Mums are complex creatures. We have a whirlwind of emotions going on in our heads and hearts at any given time, and frequently feel a deep sense of responsibility about the job of raising kids. From one moment to the next we can be thinking things like, “Oh my gosh I love you so much I want to squeeze your face off!” to, “Why did I ever think having three kids was a good idea?!”
But, there are some universal thoughts all mums have, but would never dare say out loud. Maybe it’s because we’re afraid of jinxing ourselves, or being judged, or we just know that it’s better to not say anything at all if we don’t have anything nice to say.
So, here are a few things that mums don’t dare say out loud, even though some of these should totally be said anyway.
1. “I can’t believe I’m finally caught up on laundry.” As soon as a mother utters those words out loud, she’s sure to find herself in the middle of pukemageddon. Whether it’s a bad stomach bug, or a paint explosion in her living room, mums know better than to admit they’ve caught up on the laundry.
2. “I finally have a second to hear myself think.” Maybe you’re about to escape to the bathroom for 15 minutes of alone time, or go out with a friend. Regardless, if you think you can have a few minutes to yourself, the universe will have its way with you. A kid will surely start running a fever, or injure himself ruining all your plans of kid free time.
3. “I don’t like being a mum most days.” Can we please learn that admitting this is really OK? Because I’m ready for that revolution in parenting. Motherhood is hard, and it’s OK to admit that sometimes it is more than we bargained for. If you’re brave enough to say it out loud, then you are my kind of mum friend, and you need to come over and hang out.
4. “My kids are total jerks.” There is always a jerkier kid on the block, but it’s hard to admit when our kids act like jerks, too. Sometimes admitting it will help you realise that we’re all just learning here, and there is no shame in admitting that we don’t know everything. Because our kids certainly don’t either. And, sometimes they really are little as*holes.
5. “My baby is such a good sleeper.” Never, I repeat NEVER brag about how well your kid is sleeping. Kids can hear you, and they will get revenge by teething, or sleep regressing, or conjuring up nightly bad dreams so they can sleep with you at the age of 10. Mums know better than to ever brag about sleeping, so we don’t dare say it out loud.
6. “I would never….” Mums should never say that they will never do something they see another mum doing. Because as soon as they say that out loud, they will be forced to grab a fork and shove those words back in their Judgy McJudgerson mouths. Until you walk in another mum’s shoes, don’t say you would never…because you never know. You just might be right where she is one day.
7. “How much trouble would I get in if I left my threenager on the curb of this Target?” Most mums to toddlers have at least entertained the thought of just walking away from the 3-year-old having a meltdown in public. But, since most of us are good parents, we don’t do it, even though we think it.
8. “My kids haven’t bathed in a week, and cereal is for dinner (again).” Admitting these things somehow feels like admitting that we’re failures, when in reality, it’s perfectly OK to admit that we don’t have it all together. Mums need to rise up and admit that sometimes motherhood is dirty, and cereal is for dinner. Both are totally acceptable.
9. “He is TOTALLY my favourite.” While every parent will tell you that they don’t have a favourite, the one voluntarily doing all the chores, and not complaining is definitely the favourite in that moment. Or the one that’s still taking naps is always at the top of my list.
10. “Thank you for your unsolicited parenting advice.” No mum likes being told she’s doing things wrong, much less receiving advice from other people on how to raise her own children. Just once, it would be nice to sarcastically yell, THANK YOU for telling me how to raise my kids! But, since most of us have manners, we keep this little gem to ourselves.
No matter how bad of a parent you might think you are for having these thoughts, don’t worry. You’re not alone. I guarantee you that another mother is thinking the exact same thing, and you should find her and become best friends.