Before I scare you too badly, let me assure you that I’ve asked around, and yes, even my doctor has been asked about a few of these icky symptoms, and they’re all pretty common and normal in pregnant women. (Dr Google confirmed that I’m not alone, as well.) Here’s what I’ve been putting up with for the last nine months … any of you have any super gross symptoms to add to the list?
1. I drool, like a lot. I have never been a heavy drooler, but here in the third trimester I have actually woken myself up with alarm over what cold wet thing was dribbling down my chin. Oh, it’s just my drool? Gross and inconvenient! I was finally sleeping!
2. My crotch sweat is out of control. I assumed that not having a period for nine months would be a nice reprieve from buying panty liners, but unless I want to change my underwear three times a day I’ve come to rely on ’em.
3. I burp constantly. Everybody lets one out after a gulp of soft drink, but we pregnant women? Oh, we can release a stream of Homer Simpson-like belches after just about anything… handful of pretzels? Sure. Scrambled eggs? Definitely. Brushed my teeth and rinsed out my mouth? You know it.
4. I can’t stop farting. Oh yes, burping’s comedic best friend, farting has come to play. I’ve come to the conclusion that there’s just simply not enough room in my body for the baby, food, and excess wind. One of them has to go, so until this baby vacates the premises, it looks like I’m going to sound like a deflating balloon.
5. I get so constipated! This one is really frustrating. A few times it was just plain painful and a little traumatising. I made some quick diet adjustments after this became a thing and they helped, as well as not forcing it. You have to learn to listen to your body and let things happen as they happen. Let’s just say it’ll all go a lot more smoothly.
6. I have “bacne.” I had been under the false assumption that pregnant women were supposed to ‘glow.” I didn’t think they meant glow red all over your neck and back like a hormonal 15-year-old boy.
7. I’m growing a jungle down there. At some point late in my second trimester, shaving below the waist became a huge pain in the butt. I just couldn’t see or reach, and even shaving my legs was now daunting as my belly was just totally in the way and I had a hard time bending over, which meant some things just fell by the wayside and leg-shaving became way less frequent.
8. I have so much snot. I had never heard of pregnant women with stuffy noses before I got pregnant, but I accepted it. What’s been harder to accept is that the reason you have a stuffy nose is because your sinuses are just generally producing a lot more mucus, especially in your throat, which means I often wake up and immediately need to rinse out my mouth and spit like a camel. Where does it stop?
9. I actually think I might pee my pants, every day. There have obviously been a few things I miss about my non-pregnant body and one of the number one things is my former bladder. Sneezing, laughing, or just you know, standing can sometimes send me straight for the nearest toilet, even after I already peed like 5 minutes ago, and sometimes I need an unfortunate change of clothes. Pregnancy is supposed to be fun? Don’t make me laugh! No really, I might pee.
Any of you cool mums have other gross symptoms I left out?